Live n Let Die !

We all sooner or later reach a station in life where we get bogged down with pressures of managing our past or present relationships, business/job, health, feelings of redundancy or irrelevance. I say, insert a twist in the tale…spit out the unsavoury, ignore the unwanted, begin dancing to your own tunes, wink at yourself remembering peccadilloes in Piccadilly/Pan Bazar or Police Bazar, raise a toast to yourself, and sing at the top of your voice Dr. Alban’s “It’s my life”. Let your hair down, love yourself unapologetically, and be a harmless hedonist. Cheers to the free spirit…flowing or otherwise. Live n let die*.

(*the sad feelings)

 

The Hot Cool Conundrum

Cool is Hot n Hot is Cool! 

Ohhh…everyone is so cool these days…..so cool, they are hot…..and so hot,  they are cool. Hot Dogs n Cool Cats or Hot Cats n Cool Dogs : ) Descartes’s soul must be desperate to rephrase “I think, therefore I am”(Cogito Ergo Sum) to “Am Cool, therefore am Hot!”. So in which state of the matter one really is? Iceberg or Lava? An existential enigma facing the humanity. And we no longer have a Camus or a Sartre : )

The Dilemma of MIL DIL Duel

{ Just For laughs:  with malice towards none; and the belief that there are exceptions to the rule, and none takes exception to exceptions, and human beings….though animals….can laugh at themselves : ) }

 The eternal MIL DIL duel is a thing of beauty and a joy forever*

 It is that unfathomable equation where perplexity is the constant and reason variable.

 As in all dimensions of human existence, here too the all-pervasive and despicable “law” is the chief culprit. And human beings (assuming MILs &  DILs too are humans despite display of feline feelings, fangs n fervor) have the genetic predisposition to break the law with primitive cries of utter glee and absolute abandon, and indulge in things illegal {not to forget inscrutable and eerie : ) }

 In these unlawful situations where sarcasm adds colourful words to native vocabulary, sulking n sobbing are de rigueur, and the expensive mascara flows smoothly down the dainty tender noses with sweat n tears (Churchill must be turning in his grave), being caught in the clash of the titans is rather unsettling for the sensitive son and the fretting FIL.

 With this rampant affectation of unbearable affection, the son beats a hasty retreat to the nearest watering hole with the farthest friend to forget his failed attempt at prudent ‘animal husbandry, and the FIL flees to his nook with a book of inspirational quotes, look of sorrow, and quivering brow. (Let’s call it his hangdog expression, and therefore, add pleasures of paanparag+, peg or prayers to his survival paraphernalia depending on his worldly or other-worldly fancies).

 Though, in the end it is much ado about nothing (khoda pahar aur chuhiya bhi nahee nikli++), time and tide do not extinguish the raging fire within.

 Age cannot wither MIL DIL duel, nor custom stale, its infinite variety** : )

The Show must go on…..lights never dim….and its never a curtain call.

But, pain will be the occasional episode in a general drama of happiness***, if ‘Love’ replaces ‘Law’ : )

 (with thanks & apology to *John Keats, **Shakespeare, and ***Thomas Hardy)

( + An Indian mouth-freshner ; ++ “Didn’t even find a small mouse after digging the whole mountain”)

 

How to destroy personal relationships and perform harakiri !

Two most obvious ways:

ONE: when relationships become transactional…a selfish calculation;

TWO: when we become so adamant, egoistic, and self centered that even the most logical and common sense suggestions and requests fall on deaf ears.

These lead to slinging matches and fights, breed intense dislike and contempt, and culminate into indifference.

Destruction is total, final and irreversible.

 

Crazy Corporate Communications!

Befuddled and bewildered by the jargon used by corporate honchos? I have attempted to decipher:

 ‘Hit the ground running’:  (beat around the bush);

‘Think out of the box’:  (brains have fallen out);

‘Push the envelope’:  (with own agendas inside);

‘Pick the low hanging fruits’:  (dwarfs all of them);

‘Get into the loop’:  (to get out of poop);

‘Zero sum games’:  (blame games);

‘On the back burner’:  (disguised procrastination);

‘No free lunch’:  (but breakfast at Tiffany’s n dinner on the Dreamliner are ‘de jure’);

‘Best practices’:  (of the worst kind);

‘Ball-park figure’:  (keep figuring out);

‘Game Changer’:  (day-dream presented as panacea);

‘Topline n Bottomline’:  (can neither reach nor touch).

Peculiar & Perplexing indeed!

(Disclaimer: not intended to offend anyone’s sentiments. Written in lighter vein)

 

Of Quirky Queries and Befuddling Replies!

While still in semi-slumber and awake with one eye this wet Sunday morning, a comment made by someone last evening: “I know where are you coming from”….. put me on high alert. .….Oh God, how the hell this fellow knows about my secret rendezvous? Seems like an understated and understanding remark, but how bewildering and frightening!

The thought made me think of myriad hilarious, wacky & weird exchanges of the outlandish kind we encounter daily. Sample a few:

When well-being is inquired:  “How are you’’, one promptly self-certifies the character with a perplexing “I am good”! Oh my goodness! …….OR….. brings the temperature down with an amusing and unassuming …‘’Cool, am cool” (reminiscent of “name is Bond, James Bond )…..but buddy, I never felt any heat emanating from your body!

And the crazy n constant  “cool it, chill, just chill” commands from the ever so cold n bold freeze us instantly…..who needs Antarctica!

How “awesome” or “awful” it is when all products, persons, places and pass-times are either “awful” or “awesome”. Nothing in between, not even passions or perceptions!

When a stunning woman crosses causing you to croon n cry….”Ohhh she is so hot”, why run after her and end up having burn marks on your body, soul and psyche?

And can’t beat this bizarre interrogation: “ Hey, how are you doing ?”…….. the startled reaction is: but how can I reveal the “hows” of my doings resulting in my undoing!

I remain amazed and astonished….. like an Open Mouth!

 

Of Faraway Families, Maddening Maids & Drivers Driving Us Crazy!

Stop clapping imperiously n shouting “koi hai” the moment you are out of slumber n sleeping bag. ‘Raj’ and “Raj-Idiosyncrasies’ no longer exist, not even in Rajasthan. With the helping hands becoming aspirational (rightly so) and maddeningly moody , it wouldn’t hurt to pick up your empty plate n wash it. Shun dependence even on the cuddling n befuddling family members. Apart from powdering your nose or splashing after-shave as the sole arm-lifting exercise, begin brewing your tasteless tea, burning your toast and holes in your shirt/skirt by ironing out wrinkles of your expectations, for family members have their own 1,2,3…lists (nothing wrong with that). Mastering the art of measuring sugar miserly will come in handy when you are salt n pepper and children take wings with their own families due to compulsions of work/kids/creating their own space (absolutely understandable). And in the foggy age when you pretend to come to senses n see life squarely in the eye, your wife may not see eye to eye, turn religiously religious, desert you in favour of God, n delicately but devilishly decline to pour wine in your goblet leaving you low in spirit n dry as desert. And if you happen to be a woman, you run the ultimate risk of being saddled with a spent sentinel sans senses slowly but surely sliding into senility. Dependence, like proximity, breeds contempt. So, ladies n gentlemen, tighten your belts, loose motions n emotions and wield a broom with gusto and a wild Woosterly “WHAT HO”! Waiting in the wings, Jeeves will approve!

TOP 10 WAYS TO BECOME UNPOPULAR & UNWANTED!

---

TOP 10 WAYS TO BECOME UNPOPULAR & UNWANTED!

(Written in good humour with the belief that unlike animals we can laugh at ourselves)

 Most of us have read “How to Win Friends & Influence People”, but none has thrown light on “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”, though just like death-wish, many have that unfathomable desire to be despised. Well here is the definitive recipe:

 1. Being heard is our birth-right. Speak loudly, uninvited & unnecessarily. Interrupt continuously and cut others off.

 2. Don’t lead a dog’s life. Be doggedly dogmatic.

 3. I believe, so I am! Be opinionated, impose your beliefs and make lives miserable.

 4. Name is fame. Name-drop till people drop dead.

 5. Must make up for that pitiable athletics performance in School. Jump to conclusions, be judgmental.

 6. Take one & sundry for granted. Life is all about give n take.

 7. Oh, you have been ‘giving’ so much of yourself. Appropriate all glory n credit, indulge in self-praise and belittle others.

 8. Be modern-minded. Be a first-rate hypocrite.

 9. Be fashionable. Wear ego on your sleeve and arrogance on your collar.

 10. Pretend and fake shamelessly. Duplicate Louis Vuitton shines brighter.

My thoughts on Sashi Tharoor Words

In lighter vein !

There is brouhaha each time Sashi Tharoor throws an unpronounceable word at the unsuspecting public trying its sangfroid and causing psychosomatic symptoms and hallucinations of “wordly” pleasures, albeit vicarious. Without doubting his concinnity, one wonders whether the perpetuator of treppenwitz intends to flummox, or to ensorcell one and sundry with his borborygmus. Or  is it a case of subtle n sophisticated schadenfreude by playing with the sehnsucht  of gobemouche ?? Or, the idea is to discombobulate by gobbledegook ?? LOL !