TOP 10 WAYS TO BECOME UNPOPULAR & UNWANTED!


TOP 10 WAYS TO BECOME UNPOPULAR & UNWANTED!

(Written in good humour with the belief that unlike animals we can laugh at ourselves)

 Most of us have read “How to Win Friends & Influence People”, but none has thrown light on “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”, though just like death-wish, many have that unfathomable desire to be despised. Well here is the definitive recipe:

 1. Being heard is our birth-right. Speak loudly, uninvited & unnecessarily. Interrupt continuously and cut others off.

 2. Don’t lead a dog’s life. Be doggedly dogmatic.

 3. I believe, so I am! Be opinionated, impose your beliefs and make lives miserable.

 4. Name is fame. Name-drop till people drop dead.

 5. Must make up for that pitiable athletics performance in School. Jump to conclusions, be judgmental.

 6. Take one & sundry for granted. Life is all about give n take.

 7. Oh, you have been ‘giving’ so much of yourself. Appropriate all glory n credit, indulge in self-praise and belittle others.

 8. Be modern-minded. Be a first-rate hypocrite.

 9. Be fashionable. Wear ego on your sleeve and arrogance on your collar.

 10. Pretend and fake shamelessly. Duplicate Louis Vuitton shines brighter.

There are People, and there are People!

Some people are so “in your face” and wear so much of themselves on their sleeves. They flaunt their self- imposed “superiority” shamelessly and brag endlessly about their knowledge, hard work, achievements, contacts and so on. Some do it blatantly and some are nuanced having mastered the art of subtlety. Their ego drips and arrogance oozes out of every pore of their being. They are also adept at blaming others and the circumstances for the occasional two drops of sweat. They consider themselves and expect you too to regard them as God’s gift to mankind (womankind if you like).

And there are people (though the breed is rare and fast vanishing) who keep a low profile, are polite to the ‘P’, do their honest day’s work and some more, are intelligent indeed, extend help where needed, and neither brag nor complain.

The contrast is striking n stark !

Arrogance of the Knowledgeable !

Many business executives, government officers and professionals reply with great contempt when asked for some information. This derision and disdain is seen even in families. Many a times their silent scorn shouts louder than the screaming sarcasm.

Those “knowledgeable” when they sneer and snigger forget that the “knowledge have-nots” have alternatives. One may feel important by pulling others down, but arrogance alienates and humility endears. Pseudo Facebook Likes are no measure of true likeability.

 Shall we then, pass through knowledge to arrive at simplicity, humility ?

What is the Point…

What is the Point… If we grow but don’t grow-up,

If we speak but don’t communicate,

If we hear but don’t listen,

If we look but don’t see,

If we touch but don’t feel,

If we have senses but no sensitivity!

What is the Point… If we are together but remain separate,

What is the Point… If we grow but don’t grow-up!

REACT WITHOUT REACTING ?

During a recent conversation with my friend Sanjeev Patni, he touched upon an interesting aspect of human behaviour – about not giving a “margin of error” to people while responding to them. While thinking about it I realized how eager we are to react and jump the gun. We make instant judgments (mostly erroneous) about people, and respond viciously based on their one-off act or words. We do not step back for a moment and try to understand their reference point…..from where are they coming…from which situation, with what emotional baggage…? More often than not, their words and acts are nothing but  outpourings of pent-up feelings, nothing to do with the situation at hand but merely finding an outlet.

Can we then, in these situations, react without reacting? Can we speak with understanding silence? Can we let the moment pass? Can we just let them be…? And thus maintain our dignity and salvage theirs ?!

We Walk Straight, but do not Talk Straight !

WE WALK STRAIGHT BUT DO NOT TALK STRAIGHT !

In pre-historic times, we used to crouch and walk on all fours. After millions of years of evolutionary learning, today human beings walk straight, but still do not talk straight. In many of our conversations we reply with taunt and sarcasm to deride and to ridicule. Many a times we speak with conceit and contempt to insult and to humiliate. And at times we resort to sneer or silence to shut or to silence. We derive sadistic pleasure in putting some one down. There is violence in wounding words as well as in sulking silence. Why can’t we talk straight, reply straight? Why this urge, this competition to belittle? More often than not we are only too eager to assume the worse and doubt the meaning or intent of someone without understanding the context or the situation. In such cases we mostly err. Then why not try and err on the positive side? Two wrongs do not make a right !

WORDS GIVE LIFE ! WORDS KILL !

 

Where we are and where do we go depends a lot on where we come from!

Where we are and where we go depends a lot on where we come from!

Where we were situated at birth, decides to a large extent and with some exceptions, what we are today and where we are situated now. Not to belittle one’s own achievements, the exceptions merely prove the rule.

Those of us born with a silver spoon in mouth, have the shining polish on nails, boots n manners; go to that international school and the ivy league college; get into a great job or inherit the ancestral business. And life is a serial party, a picnic under the hanging garden.

Someone born in a poor family spends entire life trying to fend for self and the family. Children, if at all lucky to be in a government school, are forced out of it sooner or later as more working hands are needed for survival. Even if there is an earning eked out of drudgery, it is so meagre that all of it is spent on few morsels and medicines. The threshold, the inflection- point to break out of the vicious circle of abject poverty and misery is rarely crossed.

Just as wealth begets wealth, poverty begets poverty. Just as birth in favourable circumstances gives a kick start to life, birth in poverty tends to keep one in perpetual penury for generations.

And we have no role to play in where we are situated at birth. It’s accidental whether we are born in a CSS, a R K Marble or an Ambani household, or in the family of a beggar, a bootlegger or a grave-digger.

The arrogance then, which comes from one’s status or station or so-called success or sense of self-importance, is laughable.

In a lighter vein:

Commented someone with pompous humility “whatever I am today, I owe it to the family”.

My remark: “why blame the family?”  : )

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The bottom-line of the thought I shared last: Is Mob Lampooning not the same as Mob Lynching ? In one we hang the Body, in the other…Soul !

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Of Popular Obsession

Why are we so obsessed with the thoughts of the people we don’t care for or don’t like ?

Are we so insecure that we have to pull them down constantly, repeatedly to show ourselves or our favoured  favourites in shining light ?

Agar hum unhen nahee chahte, to unka jikr kyun karte hain ?

We tend to mention them more often than the people whom we like, we love.

Everyone sooner or later reaches his/her level of incompetence. Each to his own ! So why ca’nt we leave them alone ?

We relentlessly deride n ridicule some people… may be due to our personal prejudices, political affiliations, or socio- cultural inclinations…whatever. We become judgmental, pass sarcastic remarks, forward uncomplimentary n derogatory (often false n ridiculous) forwards, and generally pull the person down with childish (perhaps malicious) glee..at times with the intent to malign, and at times unthinkingly….without any thought, without any application of mind..becoming victims of herd mentality.

But to what purpose ?

We only manage to be counter-productive….by our obsessive behaviour we succeed in embedding n implanting this person’s memory in the minds of one n sundry. We don’t allow the person to fade away…gracefully or even ungracefully….. we bring his presence in sharp focus time n again !

While fuelling the person’s unpopularity, we forget unpopularity is also a form of popularity. End of the day, willy-nilly we end up serving his purpose. As Oscar Wilde famously said: “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about” !

*****

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